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Home / Articles / Columnists / Talking About Sex /  I think I want to spice things up in my marriage but I am kinda shy, how do I approach this with my partner?
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Tuesday, May 6,2014

I think I want to spice things up in my marriage but I am kinda shy, how do I approach this with my partner?

By Dawn Wiggins  
Let’s face it, we all have needs.

 

Some topics are easier to approach than others, when it comes time to ask for what we need. When it comes to revealing your sexual desires, it’s easy to become as anxious as a virgin bride on her wedding night. If you’ve recently read "50 Shades of Grey" and found your own sex life lacking, no worries, there are solutions, and judging yourself will only make it more difficult! Wanting to spice things up in a sexual relationship is a basic human drive. Some folks are cut off or out of touch with this drive.

The beautiful thing about spicing things up physically is it pretty much requires increased intimacy in your relationship which is ALWAYS a relationship boost. The biggest challenge isn’t how do we do it or where do we do it, the challenge is can I be brave enough to say that I want it. Breaking free of fear is totally empowering, and it will be that way in the bedroom as well. It’s important to know that the sexual relationship you are in is a safe one. As you begin to explore what the body has to offer (and there is sooo much!) make sure that “no” is “no” to your partner. My recommendation is begin by talking about it. Perhaps start with a close friend or confidant that will listen to you and perhaps share their wisdom or experience with finding good sex. Just getting more comfortable with the conversation will make it easier with your partner! Next, do some research. Whether you explore the internet, magazines or the self help section at Barnes and Noble, begin to learn what is out there and what may interest you. Again, this will allow you to feel more comfortable with the subject matter and your own likes and dislikes.

Once you are ready to take the dive, bring it up with your partner. Do this in a relaxed setting and just talk about your urges. The conversation can easily lead to a steamy experience itself! Talking about your fantasies and expressing a sexual hunger for your partner is a huge turn-on. Always remember that we all move at our own pace, and your partner may respond immediately or may also be shy and awkward in response. Be patient and open, ask questions, and stay curious both in conversation and exploration of each other’s bodies. An important consideration is that anxiety is highly contagious. Keep it calm and sensual and that will be contagious too!

 

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