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Wednesday, November 6,2013

Ask Dr. Happy

By Dr. Bob Nozik, MD  


I am a single woman in my late 20’s and am still a virgin, though not by choice. While I admit I am a plain-Jane, my friends tell me that I am a good conversationalist and an interesting person with a great sense of humor. I really, really want to be married. I’ve tried everything: friends fixing me up, singles’ bars, on-line dating, even church socials. I’m not shy and have no hesitation introducing myself to men at parties, at the grocery, or waiting in line at the bank. I’ve had some dates but am rarely called back for a second or third date. I’m starting to panic. Maybe Mr. Wonderful is just not out there for me.

-- Plain-Jane


Dear Plain-Jane,

You may be trying too hard. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing but rather how you are doing it. You seem, even in your question, to exude desperation, and almost nothing will scare men off faster than that. Sure, good looks attract, but for sustaining and advancing a relationship, a good sense of humor and conversational ability count for more. What I suggest is that instead of focusing on your desire for marriage, concentrate more on getting to know the guy and finding and sharing common interests. Connecting in this way is far less threatening and is a much more natural and organic way for establishing the close relationship you seek. This is the best way for you to feature your strengths without scaring off your dates.


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