Could this whole trust the universe thing actually be real? I do usually live my life as though this were a fact.
In fact, I preach it from the many soapboxes I am afforded in my roles as mother, teacher and writer. But I have to admit, there is always a voice in the background, my inner critic I suppose, who gently prods, “Who are you trying to convince, anyway?” Nonetheless, the older I get, the more I become prone to just letting go and trusting the outcome. Am I just an eternal optimist, or is there actually some kind of plan “out there” for me?
Whenever I am put to the test, I have two immediate responses: 1: YES! I love change. Change is scary but always worth it! And simultaneously, 2: Who am I kidding? I am not qualified, talented enough, brave enough, etc…. I don’t know….
Before diving in, I have learned to make sure to sit quietly over the course of several days and ask these questions: Does this speak to my inner spirit? Am I doing this for me, or to please others? If I choose to say NO, is it out of fear? (a big no-no in my book) I try to live by the motto: If it is meant to be, then it will be. My recent move from brick and mortar to the virtual world of teaching was one such moment. I was very hesitant to give up the joy and magic of teaching in the classroom. At the same time, the job had become increasingly exhausting, partially due to my advancing age. The commute was long, taking precious hours out of my day; standing for six hours a day and literally performing a different routine, giving it my all - as much as I enjoyed it and knew the value it brings, it was becoming too much for me every day. I am only moderately tech savvy, so learning new tricks would be challenging. But I had been looking for a way to continue teaching history and achieve some sort of work/life balance, and virtual teaching was an intriguing idea. So I took the leap.
And it was hard at first. Really hard! I was working more hours than I had before, and learning new curriculum and all kinds of Excel spreadsheets. It’s hard to be new again. At the same time, my personal life was coming more into balance. I had time to cook, to exercise, and to get outside during the day. Finally, seven months later, things seem to be falling into place. Whether it turns out to be a good thing or not, or brings me more joy or more stress remains to be seen. But its appearance in my life took on a life of its own - things just seem to be falling into place. I can’t help but have faith that this is what I am supposed to be doing right now.