So how do we go from believing our partners are incredible and wanting to spend our entire life with them, only to end up filing for divorce several years later? Although there are valid reasons for getting divorced, most of us have the power to save our marriages. Divorces don’t just “happen.” As time goes by, it seems we become self-centered, and we focus on what we aren’t getting and what our partners are doing wrong. We begin to turn away from our partners’ bids for attention. We stop saying please and thank you. We value and prioritize our jobs more than we do our spouses. We allow resentment to build up rather than expressing our needs and wants. We talk “at” rather than “to” each other. We take our spouses for granted. We become dishonest about how we feel and allow it all to fester. We allow resentment to build up. We criticize our spouses. We lack emotional intimacy and stop making love. We focus on the negative. We’ve become unable to forgive one another.
We become roommates, and become increasingly independent. We become indifferent. We lose interest in each other. Let’s face it, there are many reasons why marriages fail. The bottom line is that little by little, we stop making each other feel loved – but it doesn’t have to be that way.
The good news is that there are a million ways that we can create marriages that are happy, long-lasting and fulfilling. It’s up to us! We must remember that marriage is a collaborative entity. It takes two people to create marriages filled with respect and deep love. Marriage is a complex, beautiful mess. Knowing what to expect, honoring our commitments, the willingness to forgive, and understanding that all marriages will inevitably have challenges are the vital components of sustaining love in a marriage. Why not close the gap between the marriages we have and the marriages we want? Our marriages don’t have to fail. Love is a skill that can be learned and practiced. Love is a decision to stay together. Choose your spouse and your marriage. Choose love, because love is the ultimate decision.
