November naturally stirs thoughts of gratitude. We gather around tables, share meals, and say what we’re thankful for. But gratitude is not just for Thanksgiving… it’s a daily practice, one that can change the way we live and love.
Resentment is sneaky. It builds when expectations go unmet, when hurts pile up, and when we focus on what’s lacking instead of what’s present. It whispers, “Why do I have to do everything?” or “Why am I the only one sacrificing?” Left unchecked, resentment hardens hearts and creates distance.
Gratitude, on the other hand, softens us. It brings perspective, humility and connection. And here’s the beautiful part: we cannot feel resentment and gratitude at the same time. The same space in our brain that fuels resentment cannot hold gratitude simultaneously. One cancels out the other.
Think of it like wearing two sets of glasses. With the “resentment lens,” you see what’s missing, what’s unfair, and what’s annoying. With the “gratitude lens,” you notice what’s good, steady, and generous. Life doesn’t change, but the way you see it does. Just to be clear, gratitude isn’t denial. It doesn’t mean ignoring pain or pretending everything is fine.
It simply means choosing to anchor yourself in what is life-giving, instead of letting resentment run the show.
I’ll be a little vulnerable here, because I’m not immune to resentment. Sometimes I feel overworked or taken for granted. I want Brian to notice, to step in, to read my mind and lighten the load. When he doesn’t, that voice creeps in: “If he loved me, he would notice that I am overwhelmed.” One evening while folding laundry, that script was running on repeat. Then Brian walked in and started matching socks. Not a grand gesture, but enough for me to catch myself. Instead of focusing on the dozen times he hadn’t helped, I chose to be grateful that he was helping now. I smiled at him: “Thank you for folding the laundry with me.” Gratitude opened the door to connection, while my resentment had been quietly closing it.
Gratitude is a daily decision. Try weaving it in:
• Keep a list. Jot down three things you’re thankful for.
• Say it out loud. Don’t assume your spouse knows – tell them.
• Reframe the moment. Ask, “What can I be grateful for here?”
• Notice the ordinary. A hot cup of coffee, a gorgeous sunset, a shared laugh.
When gratitude is present, trust deepens, generosity grows, and love feels lighter. Resentment erodes connection and drains joy. But every time we choose gratitude, we push resentment out and pull love back in. Gratitude won’t erase life’s struggles, but it will always point us back to what matters most: loving each other.
