February has a certain reputation, doesn’t it? Hearts everywhere. Roses. Pink everything. And those tiny pastel conversation hearts that taste like chalk, but somehow still make us feel eight years old again. Valentine’s Day arrives with the subtlety of a parade, reminding us to be extra loving for one special day.
But here´s what I believe with my whole heart: love shouldn´t need a designated date on the calendar to come alive. Love is not a performance we put on once a year. Love is a practice we live into. Love is a daily choice, an ongoing opportunity.
When I look at the healthiest couples I´ve coached, and when I look at my own marriage, what stands out isn´t the big gestures. It´s the tiny ones. The moments most people overlook. The things no one posts online. The small, steady acts that quietly say, "I see you," long after the flowers have wilted. And yet every February, so many people quietly feel alone. Maybe they´re not in a relationship. Maybe they just ended one. Maybe they´re in one but feel disconnected. Valentine´s Day can make it feel like everyone else is invited to the party, while you´re standing outside the window.
But real love is not reserved for couples. Love belongs to all of us. It´s woven into every human connection we make. One of the most beautiful things about love is that you don´t need a romantic partner to give it or receive it. A few years ago, I had one of those days where your shoulders feel heavy and your heart feels even heavier. I stopped at a grocery store for something simple. I don´t even remember what. What I do remember is standing in line, exhausted, doing that deep sigh you make when you´re trying not to cry.
The woman behind me gently tapped my elbow and handed me a tiny chocolate square. No reason. No explanation. Just a warm smile and a soft, "You look like someone who deserves a sweet moment today." It wasn´t romantic. It wasn´t grand. It wasn´t planned. But it moved me. That small act shifted my entire day. She´ll never know what it softened inside me. But I think about her kindness often, because that´s what love does. It lingers. It leaves fingerprints.
That´s why I keep saying this: love is not a holiday. Love is a habit.
Love is making your spouse´s coffee exactly the way they like it. It´s noticing tired eyes and asking, "What do you need right now?" It´s choosing gentleness when irritation would be easier. It´s laughing after a long day, or letting something small go.
My husband, Brian, isn´t the grand romantic gesture type. He´s not showing up with a marching band or writing poetry. But he turns down my blankets on my side of the bed before I climb in. He washes my car or fills up my gas tank. He says "let´s go out to dinner" when I´ve had a rough day. It may not be very romantic, but it´s love. Deep, steady, quiet love.
Here´s something else I´ve learned. When we´re overwhelmed or disconnected, love can start to feel like effort. Not because it is, but because we´re stretched thin. When we slow down, even briefly, love feels natural again. Kindness feels natural again.
Life gets loud. So we go quiet.
But we can always return. We can always choose love again.
So, what if we stopped saving affection for holidays and anniversaries, and let it spill into everyday moments instead? What if February 14 was just one more day to love, not the only one? If you do celebrate Valentine´s Day, make it light and generous. Share a chocolate. Hand out those funny little candy hearts. Offer a smile to someone who looks like they need to be reminded they matter.
Whether you´re married, single, healing, rebuilding, or somewhere in between, your love matters. Your presence matters. And you don´t have to wait for a holiday to share it. Show the love in ordinary moments. Show it without reason. Show it because someone might need it, and because giving it might heal something in you too.
Love wants to move.
It wants to flow.
It wants to be lived on purpose, in tiny, beautiful ways.
So yes, enjoy Valentine´s Day. But let´s stop pretending love belongs to one date on the calendar. Let´s celebrate it all the time, in the small, everyday ways that remind us we´re connected, we´re seen, and we%u02BCre never truly alone.
And if you happen to hand out a few of those chalky little candy hearts on February 14, I promise ... sweetness always finds its way back.
