Who gave you permission to dream that big? It´s a strange question, isn´t it?

Most of us don´t remember anyone saying, “Go chase that impossible dream. I think you’re going to do amazing things.” Instead, we spend much of our lives waiting. Waiting until we feel more confident.

More qualified. More experienced.

More ready. The problem is that permission rarely arrives.

A friend recently shared a text he sent to his two college-aged children.

It read, “Be confident! Act with confidence! Walk confidently! Be confident in yourself! Many benefits will come from it.” Then he told me the best part. He signed it, “Unknown.” He laughed and said it was a great way to lecture his kids without sounding like Dad. I thought that was brilliant!

We´ve been taught that confidence is something we need before we do something courageous. We tell ourselves, when I feel more confident, then I´ll apply for the promotion. Start the business. Give the speech. Write the book. But what if we´ve had it backwards all along? What if confidence isn´t what gets you started? What if confidence is what you earn because you started?

For years, I thought changing the way people understood love and relationships was simply too big of a dream. Who was I to think I could start a movement? Then one day, someone looked at me and said, “Michelle, you light up when you talk about Love Literacy™.” That one sentence changed the trajectory of my life. It wasn’t because it suddenly made me more talented or qualified. It simply reflected something back to me that I couldn’t yet see in myself. They gave me permission to think bigger.

How many dreams have you talked yourself out of because no one handed you permission first? Maybe you´ve wanted to start a business, travel somewhere new, go back to school, change careers, or finally follow something that has been quietly tugging at your heart for years. Somewhere along the way, many of us started believing we needed someone else’s approval before we could begin.

Then comes that annoying little roommate who lives in our heads. You know the one. Who do you think you are? Someone else knows more. You´re not ready. You´re going to fail. That’s imposter syndrome, and it has a funny way of showing up just as we´re about to do something meaningful. I’ve come to believe it isn’t always proof that you’re unqualified. More often, it’s proof that you’re growing.

In his book “The Big Leap,” Gay Hendricks describes what he calls the “Upper Limit Problem.” Just when life begins expanding, we unconsciously find ways to shrink ourselves backdown. We procrastinate. We overthink. We second guess ourselves.

Sometimes we even sabotage our success because our comfort zone feels safer than our potential. Have you ever noticed that just as you’re about to do something exciting, you suddenly decide it isn’t the right time? Or convince yourself you need one more class, one more certification, or one more year of experience? It’s amazing how creative our minds become when they’re trying to keep us comfortably stuck.

That’s one reason I’ve never completely loved the phrase, “Fake it till you make it.” It sounds like we´re pretending to be someone we´re not.

I prefer this: Practice it until you become it. Walk into the room like you belong there. Raise your hand. Share your thoughts. Hit “Publish.” Apply anyway. Confidence has an interesting habit of catching up with people who stop waiting for it.

Around my home, you´ll find affirmations tucked into unexpected places... on my nightstand, near my desk, and even inside a cabinet. They aren´t there because I´ve mastered confidence. They´re there because I haven´t. They interrupt the stories I sometimes tell myself and replace them with stories that move me forward.

There´s an old saying: If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. Maybe confidence works the same way. Act confident. Walk confidently. Speak confidently. Keep showing up. Eventually, you stop acting. You become.

Before I leave you, think about everything you´ve survived. Every mistake you’ve made. Every lesson you´ve learned. Every challenge you´ve overcome has given you something valuable. Someone needs the wisdom you’ve earned simply by living your life. Too many people stay silent because they don’t feel qualified enough. Meanwhile, someone with half their experience and twice their confidence is making a difference because they were willing to begin.

So, who gave you permission to dream that big? Maybe you’ve been waiting for confidence. Maybe you´ve been waiting for permission.

Stop waiting. Confidence doesn’t show up and then change your life.

One brave decision does. Dream the dream. Take the step. Let confidence catch up.