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Tuesday, September 3,2013

Ask Dr. Happy

By Dr. Bob Nozik, MD  


Dear Dr. Happy, I am a twenty-nine-year old married woman.


I am childless although my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for years. We’ve been to specialists but no success yet. I know we could adopt but we both really want our own. Three weeks ago, my younger sister announced she is expecting. I’m furious! She is always trying to outdo me and now this, even though she knows how much her news would hurt me. I haven’t spoken to her since. Now, the rest of the family is criticizing me for being mad at her. Jake, my husband, says I should just drop it and move on.

What do you think?

Dear ‘What,’ Let’s see if I have this straight. In your world, if you can’t get pregnant, no one else in your family should either? And maybe even your close friends shouldn’t be so inconsiderate as to become pregnant either? Of course you’re upset that your sister became pregnant so easily when you are having such difficulty. But you need to step back a bit and try and see this simply as a fact of life, and not a personal attack on you. Treat her pregnancy as you would wish she would treat you if you had become pregnant. Does her success interfere with your success? Of course not. These are two independent, unrelated events. While it may be difficult, knowing how much you want a baby of your own, don’t create more problems by wishing her ill. Try and find it in your heart to be happy for your sister. In doing that, you will turn a lose-lose into a win-win. After all, despite the sister competition between you, she is not the reason you are having trouble becoming pregnant.


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