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Monday, August 5,2019

The Mirror Within

By Jonna Shutowick. M.S. Ed.  
I went to my childhood home in upstate New York recently and allowed my imagination to run away with itself. I am no stranger to the nostalgic reverie that has me walking in a near semi-conscious state through my old stomping grounds – the woods, fields, winding country roads.… But this time I allowed myself to fantasize as a character in a novel. To behave in ways that were not rational, but could happen in the movies. I spoke to dead people; overturned stones from our forts created 40 years prior in search of… I don´t know what. An old diary? Some evidence of the magical past we shared? I was sure that every bird that flew by was a sign.

Especially the one cardinal. Was it my mom? Was it my childhood friend, Ned? I wasn´t sure who, but I was sure it was some energy from my past coming forth to reaffirm that what I was experiencing was real. I looked at the windows of homes where my friends had come and gone, hoping to see a vague hand waving toward me. I was prepared not to be scared. I wanted to see a ghost. Someone please confirm for me that somehow we are all still connected! I tried not to be too disappointed when that didn´t happen.

What did happen though, as I pulled the rocks apart, for example, was that I entered a deep meditative state. I thought about the book I´ve been meaning to write all these years that remains in the annals of my mind. As I wandered through the woods looking for our initials carved into the trees, a faint voice asked will it be a memoir, or historical fiction? I came up with answers to questions I´ve been pondering for months with unabashed certainty.

Heading home I was so in tune with my soul. Still in my playful state, I chose to believe these answers were whispered to me from my loved ones on the other side. It felt good to believe that.

The point is, I heard myself. Hours spent alone, reminiscing, whether through active meditation or sitting in stillness will help you connect to parts of yourself that are just waiting to be brought to the surface. Reflection is really just that – when you take time to go inside yourself, you begin to see who you really are. It´s looking into a mirror. This mirror is deep inside and it is quiet. Unless you take the time to shine a light on it, without the distractions of daily tasks or other people´s needs.


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