– Steve Maraboli, “Life, the Truth, and Being Free”
The way we view life is usually invisible to us, and yet it is probably the most powerful thing in our lives. For example, one person might hear the words of another and feel incredibly hurt, stressed and angry, and it ruins the entire week. While another person might hear the same words and feel compassion and love for the person. Neither is right or wrong, they simply have different views of the world.
The way we look at the world is called our “framing” of the world – the lens through which we see our lives. There is no “right” lens or framing, nothing we “should” choose. In fact, “right” and “should” are two common framings of the world. There are simply different lenses, different ways to frame anything, and if we bring awareness to the frame, we can choose a different frame.
An example of framing might be the way an act to help someone can be seen as a way to impress others and get acknowledgement and love, or it can be a simple act of joyful connection with another human being, or a way to offer your gift to others. Another example might be answering an email and seeing it as another opportunity to mess up and look dumb, or it can be a way to connect with someone you care about, or a place of exploration and learning.
There isn’t only one way to view a situation (or another person, or yourself). In fact, there are endless possibilities as to which view you choose, which will determine your experience. Our entire lives are shaped by our framing, and we usually don’t choose them, they are automatic.
So how can we make them less automatic and more of a choice? We have to shine a light on them. How am I viewing this situation that causes me to feel and react this way? What kind of framing would have me avoid this task or situation? What lens would make me have this experience of life?
Common ways to frame things:
• I might fail, look stupid, and be rejected, seen as weird or incompetent or unworthy.
• It’s overwhelming, too much and too hard.
• Something I should just resign myself to or get through.
• Another way to prove myself as broken or shameful.
• A thing I need to get right.
• It’s a burden but something I should do.
• Proof of my wrongness.
• A way others are wrong or not doing what they should do.
• A huge injustice or disrespect.
• Something I can’t have.
• A way the other person is showing they don’t care about me (i.e. unanswered messages).
• Something to hide because it’s shameful.
• Too much to handle, too tiring, too draining.
There is nothing wrong with these views – we all have them somewhere in a place we can’t see. They’re automatic, and they shape our lives. These might explain some difficulties with habits, relationships, work, health, happiness.
Different ways to frame things:
• An opportunity for play, adventure, exploration, learning.
• An opportunity for curiosity.
• An opportunity for compassion and love.
• A way to express your gift, true self, to sing your song.
• A way to connect with someone.
• An opportunity for wonder, gratitude, appreciation, awe.
• A way to practice mindfulness, being present to your life.
• A place to practice letting down your defenses.
• An opportunity to deepen, to contemplate, to find solitude and silence.
• An exhilarating experience of freedom and openness.
• A place to choose.
• A way to experiment, try something new.
• A way to meet your needs, to own what you want, to set boundaries with love.
• An opportunity to lead, to serve.
• A way to express your purpose.
• An expression of your power.
There are endless possibilities, but the idea is to look at a situation, bring awareness to what your current framing might be, and then decide to reframe it for yourself. You don’t have to get it exactly right, but take a shot. Are you committed to that framing? Would you be open to letting it go and trying on something new? Could you try it on for awhile, and see what emerges?