Most of us think of conflict as a source of disconnection. So, you might be surprised to hear that facing and resolving disagreements is vital to growth, a deeper connection, understanding each other, and a happier marriage.
Some avoid conflict at all costs, and some fight to win at all costs. The key word here is costs. The cost of not knowing how to resolve conflict in a healthy, productive way is incredibly costly to any marriage.
Why not discover how to resolve conflict effectively? Become firm in believing your partner would never intentionally hurt you, and you will see things differently. See the good in your marriage and your partner. Remember, the goal of every conflict is for you to evolve as a couple.
Here are three (of many) ways that can help you resolve conflicts in your marriage in a healthier way:
• Use “I” Statements Instead of “You” Language. Listening with an open mind can be challenging if you or your partner feel attacked. “I” language allows you to express your feelings, what you perceive, and what you are experiencing. When we use the word “you,” we point the finger at our spouse. We blame them. When our partners feel blamed, they will naturally become defensive.
Your tone becomes very different when you say “I” instead of “you.” The “I” approach is much softer. It allows your partner to relate.
• Seek Understanding, Not Agreement. Your spouse wants to feel understood even if you disagree. If you repeatedly argue about the same things, that may be a sign that the real issue concerns their belief about themselves or the marriage. Your willingness to understand your partner can make all the difference.
• Listen. Most people listen less than they speak. They hear something and start thinking about their response before their spouse can finish. One tool I highly recommend is repeating what you heard them say back to your spouse. Say something like, “This is what I heard you say,” and then repeat what you heard them say. This tool helps you avoid listening only to speak again. Your partner also gets the message that you heard what they said.
Choose to learn, grow, and flourish!