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Monday, August 6,2012

Ask Dr. Happy

By Dr. Bob Nozik, MD  

Dear Dr. Happy,

John and I have been happily married for six years. We have two great kids, four year-old Sam and Katie who just turned three. My problem is that John has a lady friend he’s known since high school. They work near each other and have lunch together about twice a week. He says they are just friends. I trust John. I don’t feel right asking him not to see her but I am beginning to feel jealous even though I know of nothing wrong that they’ve done.

Dear Help,

It sounds like you and John have a good marriage. Also, while there is not unanimous agreement on this, I see nothing wrong with married people having friends of the opposite sex, especially where the marriages are strong. Still, you are having intuitive signals and it’s not wise to ignore these. I have a question for you and a suggestion. The question is: how would John feel about you having a male friend you met with for lunch several times a week? If he would be fine with it, that’s a good sign that his lunches are innocent. My suggestion is that you ask to join John and his friend at their lunches every now and then. If either objects, that would be a bad sign, a red flag. If that’s no problem, it’s a good sign. So, get a baby sitter and do it; it’ll give you a better read on the situation.


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