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Home / Articles / Columnists / Life 101 /  Have a Helping of a Helpless Day
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Monday, April 8,2024

Have a Helping of a Helpless Day

By Cary Bayer  
A delicious self-esteem exercise I love is called a Helpless Day, a teaching in Sondra Ray’s Loving Relationships Training. It’s a day you’ll laugh, cry, and feel like a king or queen.

Its purpose: for you to feel how important you are, to feel totally taken care of. Remember, you’re the common denominator in every relationship you have. So when you start feeling great about being you, it will have a profound impact on your every relationship.

Here’s how it works. Carve out a day—or an evening, afternoon, or morning—to dip your toe into this delightful water before plunging in.

Then ask someone you trust to care for you for that period of time. I don’t mean scrubbing your floors, doing your laundry, or being your love slave. Then let this person fulfill your wishes.

That might look like preparing lunch, reading to you, putting on CDs or DVDs, massaging your feet.

After preparing lunch, he/she should set a place for you, or bring it to you in bed, and put the dishes away. But it needn’t end there: they can also literally spoon-feed it to you. This will reward you on the cellular level.

My first Helpless Day was from my wife. She bathed me – like my mother bathed me when I was a baby. When she was done and got the soap and shampoo off, she dried me, and put a bath towel around me. While walking to the bedroom, my towel fell off. I was about to pick it up, when I remembered that I didn’t have to do that when I was a helpless child, so I let her pick it up. Not because she was my servant, but because she was my Helpless Day caregiver.

Your first experience of helplessness came in utero for nine months. The umbilical cord was your developing body’s link to oxygen, blood supply, nourishment, and everything else that was needed. Infants are taken care of by parents, a mother’s breast supplying necessary nutrition. Left to its own devices an infant would die, so everyone cares for them.

This demonstrates the principle that helplessness attracts support. We received support in innocence as babies and as children. Very few adults remember their birth or infancy without a tool like Rebirthing or hypnosis; such is the power of suppression. So, if you ask an adult if he’d like to experience helplessness, he’ll likely say “no” – the thought seems downright terrifying.

But it’s liberating. You’ll feel like a king or queen; your wish is your caregiver’s command. I’m not encouraging you to become an egomaniac. I am encouraging you to experience a key teaching of the Law of Attraction that our thoughts shape our realities; that energy flows where attention goes. If our thoughts – conscious or unconscious – play a role in manifesting our realities, the implication is that the universe say yes to what we’re thinking. A Helpless Day request for a foot massage shows that the universe – in the form of your caregiver – says yes, immediately.

Having your desires fulfilled quickly and lovingly makes you feel special. Well, you are special. In fact, you’re unique, one of a kind. How much more special can you be than one of a kind? When you feel special, your self-esteem and self-love grow. That enables you to start treating yourself kindly, lovingly. It enables you to treat others kindly and lovingly. That usually means they’ll start treating you kindly and lovingly.

After being treated like a king or a queen for a day, it’s hard to tolerate being treated shabbily by others. If you are treated poorly by someone, say something like, “The people in my life treat me with kindness and respect, so I’ll ask you to do the same.” If they’re then willing to raise the level of how they treat you, great. But if they laugh at you, what are you doing in relationship with an abusive person?

My best advice on Helpless Days is advice from the old TV commercial that said, “Try it, you’ll like it.” Except you probably won’t like a Helpless Day – you’ll love it.


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