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Tuesday, October 7,2014

Sexual Fluidity - There are no boxes

By Dawn Wiggins  

It’s truth or dare time! Have you ever, in all of your life, even for a fleeting moment fantasized about someone of the same sex? For many people the answer is yes. Others have a harder time answering that question honestly because we are afraid of what it means. The reality is sexuality is not black or white, gay or straight; there are no boxes! Back in the 1940’s and 50’s Alfred Kinsey and his buddies were studying sexuality and touting that there are degrees of sexual orientation. Since then we have seen more emerging research from Lisa Diamond that discusses sexuality as fluid, able to change over time. You may be wondering what to do with this information. If you have ever judged yourself for being turned on by a gender other than your normal choice, be willing to let that judgment go. We are complex sexual beings that sometimes lose touch with our sexual selves because we ignore or deny what our truth is. Consider sharing your thoughts and fantasies with your partner and explore ways to incorporate them into your sexual relationship. If this is not something your partner is open to, then be willing to take responsibility for your own sexual desires through self stimulation. 

Based on our wiring and development, it is normal to find yourself enjoying same sex porn eventhough you are “heterosexual”. This is true of both women and men; however we tend to be more accepting of women that exhibit sexual fluidity than men. We’ve all heard women tell a story about “that time in college” that she had a same sex experience; most “hetero” men would feel ashamed to discuss a similar story. It is ok if you are attracted to something or someone that doesn’t seem to “fit your box” AND it’s ok to change your mind! The recommendation: let go of judgment and allow yourself to enjoy what you like. Just be safe while doing it.


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